Active Listening

Vince Stanton attempts Troublemaker during the Professional Bull Riders Atlanta Classic at the Georgia Dome.

From Wikipedia

Active listening is a communication technique that requires the listener to understand, interpret, and evaluate what (s)he hears. The ability to listen actively can improve personal relationships through reducing conflicts, strengthening cooperation, and fostering understanding.

When interacting, people often are not listening attentively. They may be distracted, thinking about other things, or thinking about what they are going to say next (the latter case is particularly true in conflict situations or disagreements). Active listening is a structured way of listening and responding to others, focusing attention on the speaker. Suspending one's own frame of reference, suspending judgment and avoiding other internal mental activities are important to fully attend to the speaker.

“The Most Dangerous Eight Seconds in Sports,” is how, National Geographic writer, Zoltan Istvan describes bull riding.  Death is a real possibility to the bull rider.  The bulls are 15 times the size of the rider.  Imagine a defensive lineman in football being 15 times the size of the quarterback.

One of my photography friends is also a bull riding coach.  His name is Maxy Pinson.  When you meet Maxey you see a well-dressed and groomed elderly gentleman.  He is from Oklahoma and in his earlier career was a scientist for the oil industry. 

Reuben Geleynse hangs on to Long John during the PBR Atlanta Classic at the Georgia Dome.

I was fascinated with Maxy’s career and really interested in what a coach does to help a cowboy ride a bull.  I think what he teaches these bull riders parallels what we need to know about being a good listener.

Maxy teaches the bull rider to focus his "full attention" on the bull’s head.  “The bulls head will let you know what the bull is doing and going to do,” says Maxy.  You cannot take your eye off it.  You have to stay focused for 8 seconds to ride the bull.

Active listening requires you to make eye contact and listen so as to understand the message and not just hear the words.

You cannot allow yourself to become distracted by whatever else may be going on around you, or by forming counter arguments that you'll make when the other person stops speaking. Nor can you allow yourself to get bored, and lose focus on what the other person is saying. All of these contribute to a lack of listening and understanding.

You also need to communicate to the person you are listening.  Sometimes just an “uh-huh” or nod will let them know you are listening.  This isn’t saying you are agreeing, but communicates you are listening.

An occasional question or comment to recap what they are saying not only helps them know you are interested but will remind you to stay interested.

Let them finish their thought before interrupting.  This can be very distracting to them and irritating as well.  If you find what they are saying getting you emotional, this is a good time to say something and to clarify what you are hearing.  “I may be misunderstanding what you are saying and find myself taking this personally, is this what you are saying ________?”

WE REMEMBER 10% of what we read 20% of what we hear 30% of what we see 50% of what we hear and see 70% of what we discuss with others 80% of what we personally experience 95% of what we teach others --Edgar Dale

For me the first step to becoming a better listener was acknowledging that my personal style of communicating has been less than stellar.  While I was getting better at getting my ideas across as I matured, my relationships were not getting better with people.  I had to stop and evaluate my communication style.  It needed an overhaul.

I can see that the successes I have had in life have usually been when I practiced “active listening.”  There are still many relationships where I need to do a better job implementing these skills. 

What I have discovered is Edgar Dale is right, I remember more of what I need to do to be more successful by writing and sharing what I have discovered on this blog. 

While you might get something out of the blog, just the very nature of writing these posts has helped me improve in so many ways.

Bart Jackson attempts to ride Smokin Joe during the PBR Atlanta Classic at the Georgia Dome. 

You will go down just like the bull rider if you don't actively listen to those who need your attention.